> From Rome to Monaco.
From Rome to Monaco.
Luckily the start from Rome was a late one: 11am. This was to allow
people
like me who had been sticking cocktail sticks in their heads at 3am to
get
some sleep and try and unstuck bits of pizza from their clothes.
Luckily
Mussy always drives in the mornings, and I had abused this fact to
crawl in
at 4am.
The Politzei M5 led the way and we were behind Michael Ross's Bentley.
Someone had lied to Alex though and told him that Gumball wanted him to
lead
all the Gumballers past the Coliseum. After 20 minutes of fighting the
Rome
traffic he realised that he had been duped and we started to fight our
way
out of the city and to get on the Autostrade de Sol to Firenze
(Florence).
Mussy was driving like a man possessed to catch up with the Bentley,
using
>all 4 lanes of the motorway (3 lanes plus the Gumball lane thoughtfully
provided on the right hand side). All was well until we went past a
police
car. As we edged past they turned on their flashing lights and
indicated
that we should follow them. Bugger! For the stuff that we were doing we
deserved to be jailed!
At the next service station we were pulled over along with a Porsche.
There
we met Alex and John and team GT3000. Mussy and I got out of the car,
wondering how the hell we were going to finish the rally from a jail.
Then a policeman who was stood next to the car as we got out asked
Mussy who had been driving. Mussy asked me "were you driving
BalkanExpress?" "Of course" says I. "Driving licence and papers"
demands the cop. Diplomatic ID and driving licence were then produced.
A look of consternation crossed the face of the policeman. After a
minute looking at our insurance documents he released us. Even better
he released the other cars including a beautiful white vintage Porsche
that had nothing to do with Gumball and hadn't even broken the law. I
drove away and we decided to take things easy: we had pushed our luck
as far as we could.
Approaching Florence we again relied on the Co-Pilot GPS. A good system
let down by an old map database. Mussy was complaining about it being
too slow, but we reached the conclusion that it is very good at legal
speeds! At the checkpoint we met up with our support car (sadly minus
the coffin) and had a great few minutes talking to Nick Plotnic and his
son Josh. Luckily we had not needed their services (they carried spare
wheels for us and clothes). Then it was time to catch up with the pack.
We were running in the centre of the pack due to the police and a poor
exit from Rome. Leaving a decent burnout smoking on the tarmac we set
off, only a few hundred kilometres from the finish line.
We were on our own until we approached the mountains that separate Italy
and France. The motorway runs through these mountains by a countless
series of tunnels. Who should we meet but the Testarossa! Though we
couldn't safely overtake the car, I could push it to see how big his
balls were. In Czech we had beaten him because he couldn't drive in the
wet and now the roads were bone dry. We covered the next 150km in about
45minutes. The scream of our two engines in the tunnels was amazing, as
were the flames that came from the 4 exhausts of the Ferrari. This was
some of the best driving of the Gumball, going as fast as safety and
the tyres could allow around the sweeping corners of the mountain
motorway. Traffic started to increase in density, forcing us to slow
down. As we exited a tunnel we came across the black and orange SLR
Merc. It had blown a tyre and when they used tyre-weld to repair it,
the tyre-weld had exploded in their faces, covering them and their car
with goo. :) The Testarossa driver didn't seem to concerned by this; he
was too busy having a cigarette to calm his shredded nerves!
We agreed to take it easy from there on to the border, and we were lucky
to have done so: as we exited the next tunnel there were several police
cars set up in an ambush and they had already caught a few Gumballers.
We cruised pass and sighed with relief. Then through the next tunnel
and another police car waiting for us. This time it pulled away and
started following us with the blue lights flashing. We slowed down but
it didn't overtake us, so we continued. Then a piece of luck: just as
it looked as though we would be pulled we made a navigational error and
took the wrong exit for France. The look on the policeman's face as he
saw us was sweet: he had left it too late to take the exit safely. We
had lost our friend the Testarossa, but we soon met up with a blue
F355. We then played with that until the border with Monaco and we
turned of the motorway to find that the French police had a little
surprise for us: every single Gumball car was being stopped, searched
and all documents checked.
We produced our documents and had to struggle to find the engine number
to satisfy the Gendarme. Then he inspected our licenses and insurance.
All seemed well. Then he found our laser jammers at the front of the
car. Merde! "What are zeese?" "Parking sensors" lied Mussy with such
smoothness even I believed him! The police then spent 5 minutes
inspecting the car and talking to each other in French. They didn't
know that Mussy speaks perfect French! They were saying that they were
jammers, and that they couldn't be parking sensors as there were none
on the rear of the car. We claimed that they were on the car when we
had brought it and they had never worked. This outrageous lie (and
diplomatic id) convinced them to let us go. They knew that we knew that
they knew what the "sensors" really were. A Porsche that came in 2
minutes after us had a detector on the dash: it was immediately removed
(taken away and destroyed) and a small fine of 750 Euros demanded on
the spot (they confiscate your car if you cannot pay).
We entered Monte Carlo and tried to find the finish point. We found the
Casino and found it packed with people, but only one Gumball staff. No
finish line, no flags, in fact nothing indicating that Gumball was
over. We were given a photocopy map of the city and told where to park
the car and where to get on the boat. We were allowed one lap of the
small square before eaving. That was it. It must have been the biggest
anti-climax of my entire life! With help from a friendly police car we
found the car park.
It was a really weird mixed feeling I had. It felt like we had been
doing Gumball for ages and yet it seemed over too soon. How the hell
were we going to adapt to normal driving and normal life? There was
also pride in Loretta (our car) for having performed so well and relief
that we were through
> safely, and that everyone had finished without serious injury. We got our junk together and headed off for the boat, stopping only for a glass of wine that was offered. Where was our "Super Luxury Gumball Yacht"? A battered tender took us out of the harbour and past boats worth over 200million USD.
Which one of these palaces was ours? The answer? The old ferry hiding
behind all the nice boats!
We clambered aboard, got our cabin (better than I had expected given the
look of boat) and went to the bar. Within a few hours the boat had run
out of beer!!! An hour later they had run out of Vodka!!!!
Unbelievable. There were almost fights and rebellion. It was then
announced at 1am that the awards would be given out the following
night. I went to bed after the wine ran out, hoping that the next day
would be better (it was, but Mussy will tell you all about it later).
Balkan Express
Winner Gumball 3000 Enthusiast 2005
Car 72 Lotus Esprit S4
www.3ezer."
if your not fast your last!"



